seize infinite

How do I begin to tell you all how much has changed, how much I have changed? Part of me (a miniscule part!) longs for the
days I had an assignment to tell me what to write. That, I suppose, is the reality of graduation though: free to do as you please, yet burdened by the act of figuring out what it is you please. One thing I did learn in school though, is that words are simple metaphors for complex experiences and my life has been dripping with complex experiences lately. So I will try to take all of these colors and creatures, and put them into something more finite--high school sports.

I used to run track. A track race is a very straightforward event. You run in circles, from one point to another, and everyone cheers you on. You become fixated on your goal, and all that matters is pushing yourelf a little more to reach the finish line. My life has for years been a track race, but somewhere in between deferring college and completely 180ing my plans for next year, I stopped running in circles and started running just to run. Suddenly I realized that I had been so fixated on reaching some blurry finish line, that I had completely ignored the magic around me. There was music I had never heard, sharp winds I had never felt, roses I had never smelled. I somehow let my needs swallow and isolate me from the world I existed in.

I also begun to notice my fellow runners. Most were going toward some finish line--some sprinting--others lost. I saw people cry at the thought of losing a race they didn't even want to be in. Suddenly all I wanted to do was help these people, let them feel the soft blades of grass they were treading on, remind them that at any point they can throw in their uniform and stop competing. We are all put into uniform so early and taught to run in circles so young, that we forget how to just be. I know eventually I will have to get back in some race again, it is unavoidable, but I know this time things will be different. I will run slowly and carefully. I will stop to dance and sing, and look at clouds. I will never run so fast I can't feel the wind on my face.

Now to all of you. When I say you, I mean people I have talked to, chilled with, bonded with, in these last few months. Whether you are my best friend, or someone I have just met, I want you to know you are important to me. You are all my roses and rain, coloring the otherwise barren Earth. Every laugh, long talk, or random akward car ride we might have had is beautiful to me.

Without you all, I would be nothing but myself, detached from a world where everything is so beautifully connected
Without you, life would just be a series of starts and finishes.